Saturday, December 27, 2014

A Heavy Weight

Of all of my New Year's goals, changing my weight is probably the most visible. 

I have been struggling with my weight for the last few years but this last year has been really horrible. I put on close to 50 extra pounds and it has really affected me. I am totally out of shape and after awhile I just gave up and stopped trying to eat right and exercise. I started eating everything I could get my hands on and stopped moving my body at all. Now I'm a couch potato and a junk food-a-holic. 

I hate the way I look. As I mentioned before, looking in the mirror disgusts me but it's more than that. My health is failing. My back hurts horribly all the time, my knees ache and I just generally feel run down. I need a painkiller to get out of bed in the morning and I can't do that anymore. I have two choices here, I can roll over and succumb to the way I'm feeling or I can fight to get healthy again and I choose to fight. I cannot be one of those people who relies on painkillers to just get them through the day anymore. I have to take charge of my health and get back into shape. 

So that's what I'm going to do. I've been talking to my friend Leah and she has been so great listening to me and offering her advice. I'm joining a group and starting Shakeology and a workout called PiYo. It's a combination of Pilates and Yoga and I just can't wait to see where this takes me. 

Unfortunately the change is going to take awhile and I am not the most patient person in the world. I'm just going to have to stay motivated and keep trucking along even though it's going to be a slow process. I recently read The Eat Clean Diet and I can't wait to put healthy food into my everyday life. 

I'm so ready for a change. I NEED a change. I need to take hold of my life. Start making things happen instead of letting things happen to me. I'm just so excited to begin this new chapter in my life and can't wait to get started!

Friday, December 19, 2014

A New Beginning

It's time to make a change.

When I look in the mirror, I am absolutely disgusted.  With my body, with my mind, with my spirit, with myself.  I am so unhappy, it makes me ill.

I used to be different.  I used to be healthy and have friends and go places and do things.  Now? Notsomuch. 

I am a hermit.  I'm always home.  I don't get up and dress up anymore.  I used to never go anywhere without makeup on and now I barely brush my hair.  I live my life dreading seeing anyone I know because I don't want them to see how far I've fallen down the rabbit hole.

So I'm ready to make a change.  I want to be healthy again. I want to exercise. I want to have friends again. I want to go to church again.  I don't want to be embarrassed to be seen.  I don't have an entire plan together yet, but that is my New Year's Resolution..  To take my non-existent, pathetic life and turn it into something I'm proud of.

These are the things I want to work on:  Health/Fitness, Emotional Health, Social Life and Spiritual Life.  Like I said, I haven't exactly figured out how I am going to work on these things yet but that's OK.  I think just identifying what I want to work on is a big step.  I plan to make a list of goals sometime in the next few days to get started, and I plan to use this to document my journey.  I want something to be accountable to and also something I can use to look back on and track my progress.  I also want a place to let out my dorky thoughts and crazy rantings!

So welcome to my journey.  I'm starting at rock bottom and so looking forward to the climb back up.